Faith
by worldinaleaf
Summary: Prompt fill: Christian!Blaine is raped/sexually assaulted and feels he's impure in God's eyes. Someone tries to convince him otherwise.
1. Chapter 1

Blaine's fingers shook as he reached out to the Bible on his bed, his fingers running softly over the spine and the soft leather. He tried to keep his breathing even as he picked it up, laying it on his lap, trying to find some kind of anchor to his faith without letting his heart sink back into the ocean.

Blaine loved Kurt. Blaine loved God. He didn't think there was anything wrong with it - his parents had always encouraged him to keep his faith and interpret the Bible for what it could be, rather than take everything literally. He was a Christian. He was gay. He was good, and loved by God.

But right now, right now he felt the furthest from God that he had ever been. He'd never been this broken, not when he had struggled with his sexuality, not when he was beaten by those thugs at the Sadie-Hawkins dance, not when he struggled with the choice of moving back to McKinley. But now… everything had changed. That one night, the night he had chosen to stupidly go out alone to get some coffee because he had been studying for his exams and he needed the caffeine, the one night when he didn't message Kurt saying that he loved him… that night had changed everything.

He closed his eyes, leaning back into the soft cushions on his bed as he gently put the Bible away. He hated that word. The R-word. Rape. Rape. It hurt and humiliated him more than anything else in his life. It clawed through his insides till it made him nauseous and disgusted. It ached with a throbbing rhythm deep in his stomach.

It made him feel dirty. So dirty.

He wondered how God would look at him now. God, he was holy. In the Bible, impure people could never look upon him. That meant that Blaine couldn't look to God now. He felt a sob rush to his throat and he swallowed it down with a shudder. Jesus loves me, this I know, he tried to get out the words. No. Not anymore. Dirty. Fag. Whore.

He squeaked and jumped a little when he felt a warm hand settle on his shoulder, shuffling back a little and hating himself for putting that panicked look in Kurt's eyes. He opened his mouth, wanting to apologize, but nothing came out. He closed it again, casting a soft glance at Kurt. His stomach was twisting in horrible pretzel-knots. If God thought he was dirty, surely Kurt thought so too. Kurt who didn't believe in a God, but was so good, so beautiful. So right in everything he did. And now Blaine was going to taint him too.

What could he do? Should… maybe he should leave, Blaine mused. Everybody would be better off without him.


	2. Chapter 2

Kurt watched Blaine, his eyes never wandering from that beloved and beautiful face. He saw a million emotions pass through, fear and conflict, wonder and love, hate and insecurity. Blaine. His Blaine who loved sunsets, too much strawberry hair gel, bow ties and God. His Blaine who loved Kurt, who had even transferred schools for him, leaving behind the sanctuary that was Dalton to follow him into the decrepit wreck of McKinley. He wondered bitterly for a moment if he would have ever been attacked at Dalton. No.

Blaine was staring back nervously now, so Kurt just smiled reassuringly, keeping his hands in his line of sight always. He reached out and took Blaine's hand in his, squeezing gently and kissing the fingers. "Hey, love," he whispered. "I just brought some milk for you. You didn't eat much at dinner."

He knew that Blaine had been trying to eat for the past few days, but he couldn't, not when the roiling in his stomach wouldn't settle down. So the family had just taken to plying him with protein shakes and milk for the time being. Everybody was so shaken up. Burt had been visiting everyday, leaving little notes for Blaine and trying to be a rock for his own son. Kurt was literally living with the Andersons now, trying to bring some light into the pitch black of the burnt out spirit of the house. He sat with Blaine all the time, reassuring him that he loved him, that Blaine was wonderful and beautiful just the same. He kept him comfortable, helping him with basic activities, tears pricking his eyes every time he saw Blaine struggle with what had come so easily to him.

And he knew that Blaine was struggling the most with his faith right now.

Kurt was never religious, but after a long period of internal struggle, he realized that he liked that about Blaine. Instead of making him a religious nut or someone who spoke in cliches, it just made Blaine more open and loving and honest, like a flower turning toward the sun. It made Blaine more beautiful.

Now he wondered bitterly how that God he believed in could let someone as innocent and pure as Blaine be raped.

Blaine was reaching out hesitantly to the Bible again, but he would stop every time. Kurt reached out himself, picking up the book and opening it, the thin pages falling open to a line that was underlined in red, nuzzled in the middle of a rather big paragraph. He let his lips form the words, sounding them out loud.

_"But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."_

A gasp was heard next to him and Kurt dropped the book in a hurry to reach out to Blaine, who was gasping for air and crying, crying for the first time since the event had happened, his chest heaving, keening noises falling from his lips as he reached out to Kurt, curling his fingers in his shirt. Kurt pulled him closer reflexively, holding him, letting him fall apart, heart aching and eyes tearing up as he heard the little whispers and the wailing pain. "Lies. I'm not clean anymore. Just a whore. God doesn't love me. He let me go. He let me go."

And every broken word was punctured with a sob, with the hammer driving another nail into the coffin.

And then Kurt surprised himself. He cupped Blaine's face hesitantly and kissed his chin lightly. Looking directly into his eyes, he asked him a question. "Do you believe the Bible is true, sweetheart? Do you believe in what God said about love?"

Blaine nodded hesitantly, a little.

"Then you're safe with him. He'd never let you go, Blaine. He says it right here, see? Nothing can separate you from his love, it says it right here. You're loved. You're beautiful, darling. It's not your fault, it never was, okay? I love you. Everybody loves you." He hugged Blaine tight and felt the hug returned, more of a clinging wail than a hug. "I love you. I love you so much. Blaine, honey, I love you."

And that was all that fell from his lips as the boy in his arms started the slow walk back to redemption. Back to being fine.


End file.
